Friday, December 31, 2004

Predictions

'SWAMI WATKINS: PREDICTIONS FOR 2005

One of my hobbies is comparing the tabloid prophets' predictions for the previous years with the actual events. So far no UFO's have landed in the White House rose garden, a west-coast earthquake has not made San Diego and Los Angeles islands, Vanna White has not been electrocuted turning letters on "Wheel of Fortune," a new continent has not risen from the sea, and Jesus has not returned to earth as predicted for November 2001.

Last year, The Sun--motto, "All the news that's unfit to print"-- predicted Osama bin Laden would die of kidney disease, Saddam Hussein would be shot to death, Fidel Castro would die, a live dinosaur thousands of years old would be captured, the Hoover Dam would collapse, nuclear weapons would accidentally detonate in North Korea and kill thousands, and Colin Powell would run for president and "trounce" George Bush.

With a record like that, I'm not too worried about April 2005's predicted nuclear war that kills 500 million. The prophecy made last November was voiced by Saint Bernadette of Lourdes--who died in 1879. According to the Sun headline, "Berndatte's mummified body whispers prophecies for next five years." And the paper is reporting the Pope John Paul II has received a vision that terrorists will highjack a plane and crash it into Mount Rushmore.

Meanwhile, a woman in Delaware will successfully have the head of her dying husband surgically attached next to her head, a researcher will discover that heart disease can be cured with peanut butter, and Jesus will email the faithful in L.A. telling them to get out of town before a massive earthquake destroys the entire city.

Since December 2002, I've been making the very same predictions for each coming year. And each and every year, I'm amazingly accurate. So here are my 2002 predictions for 2005:

A famous Hollywood couple will split up citing "irreconcilable differences." A famous country-western singer will lose his wife, dog, and pick-up truck after a D-I-V-O-R-C-E.

Martha Stewart's Home Tattoo Kit" will become a popular item among her new audience demographic of "twenty to life."

Michael Jackson's record sales will continue to slump while his increasingly bizarre behavior will go to the top of the charts.

A high-ranking government official will resign following an infamous affair and/or politically incorrect joke. Politicians of all persuasions will continue to make stupid, off-the-cuff comments, but conservative gaffs will garner much more media coverage than liberal lapses.

A major Fortune 500 company will file for bankruptcy protection after a top executive is accused of embezzling millions in company stock.

Your computer will become obsolete. Bill Gates and Nigerian widows will continue to offer millions of dollars through email letters.

Terrorist will continue to terrify despite the "war on terrorism" which, at this point, seems as effective as previous wars on drugs and crime.

Wars and rumors of wars will dominate headlines.

Nostradamus, the French astrologer from the 1500's, will be credited with accurately predicting the most tragic event in the new year. Despite ban in schools and government proceedings, the President will immediately call for prayer and end his speech with "God bless America."

Yes, I'm cautiously confident that my predictions will once again be fulfilled this coming year. (I'm also confident that Jesus doesn't have email.) And I'm very certain that, no matter what occurs in the new year, faith, hope, and love will remain.

Wishing you a New Year filled with that faith, hope, and love.
SPAM OF THE MONTH CLUB: JANUARY 2005 (c) 2004 James N. Watkins


Thursday, December 30, 2004

Help needed!

The following aid agencies are accepting contributions for assistance that they or their affiliates are providing for those affected by the earthquake and tsunamis in Asia. U.S. organizations are members of InterAction, a coalition of relief, development and refugee assistance agencies. InterAction can be reached at 202-667-8227.

Action Against Hunger
247 West 37th Street, Suite 1201
New York, NY 10018
212-967-7800
http://www.actionagainsthunger.org/
ADRA International
Asia Quake Fund
12501 Old Columbia Pike
Silver Spring, MD 20904
800-424-2372
http://www.adra.org/
Air Serv International
6583 Merchant Place, Suite 100
Warrenton, VA 20187
http://www.airserv.org/
Americares
88 Hamilton Avenue
Stamford, CT 06902
800-486-4357
http://www.americares.org/
American Friends Service Committee (AFSC Crisis Fund)
1501 Cherry Street
Philadelphia, PA 19102
888-588-2372
http://www.afsc.org/
American Jewish Joint Distribution Committee Inc
JDC-South Asia Tsunami Relief
PO Box 321
847A Second Avenue
New York, NY 10017
212.885.0832
http://www.jdc.org/
American Jewish World Service
45 West 36th Street, 10th Floor
New York, NY 10018
212-736-2597
http://www.ajws.org/
American Red Cross
International Response Fund
PO Box 37243
Washington, DC 20013
800-HELP NOW
http://www.redcross.org/
American Refugee Committee
Tsunami Relief 430 Oak Grove Street, Suite 204
Minneapolis, MN 55403
612-872-7060
http://www.archq.org/
Ananda Marga Universa; Relief Team (AMURT)
Tsunami Fund
6810 Tilden Lane
Rockville, MD 20852
301-984-0217
http://www.amurt.net/
Baptist World Aid
Asia Tidal Waves
405 North Washington Street
Falls Church, VA 22046
703-790-8980
http://www.bwanet.org/bwaid
B'nai B'rith International
B'nai B'rith Disaster Relief Fund
2020 K Street NW
7th Floor
Washington, DC 20006
212-490-3290
http://www.bnaibrith.org/
Brother's Brother Foundation
1200 Galveston Avenue
Pittsburgh, PA 15233
412-321-3160
http://www.brothersbrother.org/
Care
151 Ellis Street, NE
Atlanta, GA 30303-2440
1-404-681-2552, 1-800-521-CARE
http://www.care.org/
Catholic Relief Services
209 West Fayette Street
Baltimore, MD 21201
800-HELP-CRS
http://www.catholicrelief.org/
Christian Children's Fund
Child Alert Fund
PO Box 26484
Richmond VA 23261
1-800-776-6767
http://www.christianchildrensfund.org/
Christian Reformed World Relief Committee (CRWRC)
South Asia Earthquake
2850 Kalamazoo Ave, SE
Grand Rapids, MI, 49560
800-55-CRWRC
http://www.crwrc.org/
Church World Service
PO Box 968
Elkhart, IN 46515
800-297-1516
http://www.churchworldservice.org/
Concern Worldwide, US
104 East 40th St, Suite 903
New York, NY100016
212-557-8000
http://www.concernusa.org/
Direct Relief International
27 South La Patera Lane
Santa Barbara, CA 93117
805-964-4767
http://www.directrelief.org/
Doctors Without Borders/Medecins Sans Frontieres
PO Box 1856
Merrifield, VA. 22116-8056.
888-392-0392
http://www.doctorswithoutborders.org/
Episcopal relief and development
South Asia Relief Fund
PO Box 12043
Newark, NJ 07101
800-334-7626, ext.5129
http://www.er-d.org/
Food for the Hungry, Inc.
Food for the Hungry
Asia Quake Relief
1224 E Washington Street
Phoenix, AZ 85034
800-2-Hungers
http://www.fh.org/
Habitat for Humanity International
Asia Tsunami Reponse Fund
121 Habitat St
Americus, GA 31709
229-924-6935
http://www.habitat.org/
Heart to Heart International
401 S. Claireborne
Suite 302
Olathe, KS 66062
888-800-4327
http://www.hearttoheart.org/
International Aid
17011 W.Hickory
Spring Lake, MI 49456
800-968-7490
http://www.internationalaid.org/
International Federation of Red Cross and Red Crescent Societies
PO Box 372
CH-1211 Geneva 19
Switzerland
41-22-730-4222
http://www.ifrc.org/
International Medical Corps
Tsunami Emergency Response
1919 Santa Monica Boulevard Suite 300
Santa Monica CA 90404
800-481-4462
http://www.imcworldwide.org/
International Orthodox Christian Charities
Middle East Crisis Response
PO Box 630225
Baltimore, MD 21263-0225
877-803-4622
http://www.iocc.org/
International Rescue Committee
PO Box 5058
Hagerstown, MD 21741
877-REFUGEE or 733-8433
http://www.theirc.org/
International Relief Teams
Asia Earthquake/Floods
3547 Camino Del Rio South, Suite C
San Diego, CA, 92108
619-284-7979
http://www.irteams.org/
Latter-Day Saint Charities
Welfare Services Emergency Response
50 East North Temple Street, Room 701
Salt Lake City, Utah, 84150
801-240-3544
http://www.Idscharities@idschurch.org/
Lutheran World Relief
South Asia Tsunami
700 Light Street
Baltimore MD 21230
410-230-2700
http://www.lwr.org/
MAP International
PO Box 215000
Brunswick, GA 3121-5000
800-225-8550
http://www.map.org/
Mercy Corps
Southeast Asia Earthquake
Dept. W
PO Box 2669
Portland, OR 97208
800-852-2100
http://www.mercycorps.org/
Mercy-USA for Aid and Development
Tsunami Disaster Relief
44450 Pinetree Drive, Suite 201
Plymouth, Michigan 48170
800-556-3729
http://www.mercyuse.org/
Northwest Medical Teams
SE Asia Disaster Relief Fund
PO Box 10
Portland, OR 97207
800-959-4325
http://www.nwmedicalteams.org/
Operation USA
8320 Melrose Avenue, Ste. 200
Los Angles, CA 90069
800-678-8876
http://www.opusa.org/
Oxfam America
Asian Earthquake Fund
P.O. Box 1211
Albert Lea, MN 56007-1211
800-77-Oxfam
http://www.oxfamamerica.org/
Plan USA
Asia Disaster
155 Plan Way
Warwick, RI 02886
800-556-7918
http://www.planusa.org/
Project Concern International
Asia Tsunamis Press List
5151 Murphy Canyon Road Suite 320
San Diego, CA 92123
858-279-9690
http://www.projectconcern.org/
Project HOPE
Asia Tsunamis Response
255 Carter Hall Lane
Millwood, VA 22646
800-544-4673
http://www.projecthope.org/
Relief International
Asia Earthquake Reponse
1575 Westwood Blvd., Suite 201
Los Angeles, CA 90024
310-478-1200
800-573-3332
http://www.ri.org/
Save the Children USA
54 Wilton Road
Westport, CT 06880
800-728-3843
http://www.savethechildren.org/
SAWSO (Salvation Army World Service Office)
South Asia Relief Fund
615 Slaters Lane
P.O. Box 269
Alexandria, VA 22313
800-SAL-ARMY
Stop Hunger Now
SE Asia Crisis
2501 Clark Avenue Suite 200
Raleigh, NC 27607
888-501-8440
http://www.stophungernow.org/
UMCOR
Advance 274305, South Asia Emergency
475 Riverside Drive
Room 330
new York, NY 10115
212-870-3815
http://www.umcor.org/
US Fund for UNICEF
General Emergency Fund
333 East 38th Street
New York, NY 10016
800-4-UNICEF
http://www.unicefusa.org/
World Concern
Asia Earthquake and Tsunami
19303 Fremont Ave. N
Seattle, WA 98133
800-755-5022
http://www.worldconcern.org/
World Emergency Relief
2270-D Camino Vida Roble
Carlsbad, CA 92009
760-930-8001
http://www.worldemergencyrelief.org/
World Hope International
Asia Relief
PO Box 96338
Washington DC 20090
888-466-4673
http://www.worldhope.org/
World Relief
SE Asia Earthquake/Tsunamis
7 E Baltimore St
Baltimore MD 21202
800-535-5433
http://www.worldrelief.org/
World Vision
PO Box 70288
Tacoma, Washington 98481-0288
888-56-CHILD
http://www.worldvision.org



Amazing bridge Posted by Hello

France has completed work on the Millau Bridge, one of the largest construction projects in Europe. When the bridge opens in 2005, cars traveling from Paris to Barcelona will sail over the Tarn valley in southern France, cutting journey times on one of Europe's busiest roads.

The bridge over the River Tarn in the Massif Central Mountains will carry vehicles across a 2.5km (1.5 miles) valley at a height of 270m (885ft).

When completely finished, the highest pillar will stand at just over 340m (1,115ft) tall. The structure will be higher than the Eiffel Tower.

Saturday, December 25, 2004

Merry Christmas!

Afrikaans: Gesëende Kersfees
Afrikander: Een Plesierige Kerfees
African/ Eritrean/ Tigrinja: Rehus-Beal-Ledeats
Albanian:Gezur Krislinjden
Arabic: Idah Saidan Wa Sanah Jadidah
Argentine: Feliz Navidad
Armenian: Shenoraavor Nor Dari yev Pari Gaghand
Azeri: Tezze Iliniz Yahsi Olsun
Bahasa Malaysia: Selamat Hari Natal
Basque: Zorionak eta Urte Berri On!
Bengali: Shuvo Naba Barsha
Bohemian: Vesele Vanoce
Brazilian: Boas Festas
Breton: Nedeleg laouen na bloavezh mat
Bulgarian: Tchestita Koleda; Tchestito Rojdestvo Hristovo
Catalan: Bon Nadal !
Chile: Feliz Navidad
Chinese: (Cantonese) Gun Tso Sun Tan'Gung Haw Sun
Chinese: (Mandarin) Kung His Hsin Nien bing Chu Shen Tan
Choctaw: Yukpa, Nitak Hollo Chito
Columbia: Feliz Navidad
Cornish: Nadelik looan na looan blethen noweth
Corsian: Pace e salute
Crazanian: Rot Yikji Dol La Roo
Cree: Mitho Makosi Kesikansi
Croatian: Sretan Bozic
Czech: Prejeme Vam Vesele Vanoce a stastny Novy Rok
Danish: Glædelig Jul
Duri: Christmas-e- Shoma Mobarak
Dutch: Vrolijk Kerstfeest en een Gelukkig Nieuwjaar! or Zalig Kerstfeast
English: Merry Christmas
Eskimo: (inupik) Jutdlime pivdluarit ukiortame pivdluaritlo!
Esperanto: Gajan Kristnaskon
Estonian: Ruumsaid juuluphi
Faeroese: Gledhilig jol og eydnurikt nyggjar!
Farsi: Cristmas-e-shoma mobarak bashad
Finnish: Hyvaa joulua
Flemish: Zalig Kerstfeest en Gelukkig nieuw jaar
French: Joyeux Noel
Frisian: Noflike Krystdagen en in protte Lok en Seine yn it Nije Jier!
Galician: Bo Nada
Gaelic: Nollaig chridheil agus Bliadhna mhath ùr!
German: Froehliche Weihnachten
Greek: Kala Christouyenna!
Hausa: Barka da Kirsimatikuma!
Hawaiian: Mele Kalikimaka
Hebrew: Mo'adim Lesimkha. Chena tova
Hindi: Shub Naya Baras
Hungarian: Kellemes Karacsonyi unnepeket
Icelandic: Gledileg Jol
Indonesian: Selamat Hari Natal
Iraqi: Idah Saidan Wa Sanah Jadidah
Irish: Nollaig Shona Dhuit, or Nodlaig mhaith chugnat
Iroquois: Ojenyunyat Sungwiyadeson honungradon nagwutut. Ojenyunyat osrasay.
Italian: Buone Feste Natalizie
Japanese: Shinnen omedeto. Kurisumasu Omedeto
Korean: Sung Tan Chuk Ha
Latin: Natale hilare!
Latvian: Prieci'gus Ziemsve'tkus !
Lausitzian:Wjesole hody a strowe nowe leto
Lettish: Priecigus Ziemassvetkus
Lithuanian: Linksmu Kaledu
Low Saxon: Heughliche Winachten un 'n moi Nijaar
Macedonian: Sreken Bozhik
Maltese: IL-Milied It-tajjeb
Manx: Nollick ghennal as blein vie noa
Maori: Meri Kirihimete
Marathi: Shub Naya Varsh
Navajo: Merry Keshmish
Norwegian: God Jul, or Gledelig Jul
Occitan: Pulit nadal
Papiamento: Bon Pasco
Papua New Guinea: Bikpela hamamas blong dispela Krismas na Nupela yia i go long yu
Pennsylvania German: En frehlicher Grischtdaag !
Peru: Feliz Navidad
Philippines: (Tagalog) Maligayang Pasko!
Polish: Wesolych Swiat Bozego Narodzenia or Boze Narodzenie
Portuguese: Feliz Natal
Pushto: Christmas Aao Ne-way Kaal Mo Mobarak Sha
Rapa-Nui (Easter Island): Mata-Ki-Te-Rangi. Te-Pito-O-Te-Henua
Rhetian: Bellas festas da nadal
Romanche: (Sursilvan dialect): Legreivlas fiastas da Nadal e bien niev onn!
Rumanian: Sarbatori vesele
Russian: Pozdrevlyayu s prazdnikom Rozhdestva is Novim Godom
Sami: Buorrit Juovllat
Samoan: La Maunia Le Kilisimasi Ma Le Tausaga Fou
Sardinian: Bonu nadale
Serbian: Hristos se rodi
Slovakian: Sretan Bozic or Vesele vianoce
Sami: Buorrit Juovllat
Samoan: La Maunia Le Kilisimasi Ma Le Tausaga Fou
Scots Gaelic: Nollaig chridheil huibh
Serb-Croatian: Sretam Bozic. Vesela Nova Godina
Serbian: Hristos se rodi.
Singhalese: Subha nath thalak Vewa. Subha Aluth Awrudhak Vewa
Slovak: Vesele Vianoce. A stastlivy Novy Rok
Slovene: Vesele Bozicne. Screcno Novo Leto
Spanish: Feliz Navidad
Swedish: God Jul and (Och) Ett Gott Nytt År
Tagalog: Maligayang Pasko.
Tami: Nathar Puthu Varuda Valthukkal
Trukeese: (Micronesian) Neekiriisimas annim oo iyer seefe feyiyeech!
Thai: Sawadee Pee Mai
Turkish: Noeliniz Ve Yeni Yiliniz Kutlu Olsun
Ukrainian: Srozhdestvom Kristovym
Urdu: Naya Saal Mubarak Ho
Vietnamese: Chung Mung Giang Sinh
Welsh: Nadolig Llawen
Yugoslavian: Cestitamo Bozic
Yoruba: E ku odun, e ku iye'dun!


Friday, December 24, 2004

Holiday Eating Tips




1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hellooooo?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple; Pumpkin; Mincemeat; Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention.Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Remember this motto to live by: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

MERRY CHRISTMAS to ALL


Monday, December 20, 2004


Dear Santa Posted by Hello

Thursday, December 16, 2004

The Most Important Gift Catalog In The World


Heifer International Posted by Hello

Still looking for holiday gifts? How about a water buffalo?

When you're looking for that perfect gift, consider a water buffalo, or a goat, or a dozen chicks from Heifer International's Gift Catalog. Better than another sweater, these unique gifts will please your friends and family - and help end hunger from Appalachia to Zambia.

This year, give a gift that helps create a better world. Give an animal from Heifer's Gift Catalog. Click here.


School Cheating Goes Hi-tech?

By Mary Niederberger
Source: Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

There was a time when students who wanted to cheat on tests wrote answers on the palms of their hands or created a tiny cheat sheet to slip into their sleeves. And when messages were exchanged, the modes were whispers or notes passed surreptitiously, moves fairly easy for a teacher to spot. But now, school officials say, handheld electronic devices make it possible for students to pass information silently via cell phone text-messaging or faxing, or by using the radio wave or infrared technology in personal digital assistants such as Palm Pilots. This burst of technological development has school officials busy devising policy to regulate gadgets. But as school directors in the Peters Township School District are finding, it's hard to come up with the right wording to restrict, but not stifle, technology that seems to change daily. A policy that bans specific devices could be outdated as soon as it is printed. In addition, some school officials argue, there can be legitimate classroom uses for some technology. While most districts don't allow students to have their cell phones on during classroom hours to prevent disruptions, some cell phones have the same capabilities as electronic organizers. And while handheld computers may have legitimate use for such tasks as scheduling and research, some can make and receive phone calls, take digital photos and record sound. That creates opportunity for questionable use.

"There used to be a distinction between cell phones and PDAs," said Peters school Director Mark Buzzatto, during a recent board discussion. "Cell phones are to be turned off. But cell phones are turning into PDAs. I can schedule on mine."

Banning all handheld electronic devices during the school day is one way to deal with the problem. That's what some districts such as McKeesport and South Fayette have done. Shelly Belcher, South Fayette spokeswoman, said the district policy attempts to be all-inclusive. Cell phones and all other handheld devices are not allowed to be used in the building. Period. First-time offenders get their devices back when a parent comes in and signs for it; repeat violators, however, can expect not to get the phone back until the end of the year. While some might consider such a policy too strict -- what if a student needs to use the phone in an emergency -- Belcher said there was access to phones in every classroom. But for school officials in Peters, the issue isn't that simple because they don't want to discourage students' use of cutting-edge technology.

"It definitely has potential for abuses in and around the school," said John Hoover, assistant superintendent of Peters schools, who is in charge of drafting policy with board members. "But it's a whole new era that we live in and we know that there are wonderful uses for this technology and we know that our students live very much in a digital world. We want them to be prepared and facile with all of the technology that would be helpful to them," Hoover said.

The fear that "a small number" would use the devices inappropriately creates the need for the policy, Hoover said. In Peters, the proposed policy twice has been sent back to the drawing board. Following the most recent discussion, school directors decided to use wording that would ban certain activities and uses of the devices, but not outlaw specific devices. Sharon Fissel, director of policy services for the Pennsylvania School Boards Association, said the biggest concerns of school boards have been cheating, the use of inappropriate photographs and the invasion of students' privacy by other students with devices that can photograph and record. Hoover also warned that camera phones could be used for inappropriate picture-taking in such places as locker rooms. That's what happened earlier this year when a Moon Area wrestler took an obscene photo on a West Allegheny High School student's camera phone before a wrestling match in January. According to court records and police reports filed at the time, the wrestler took a picture of another wrestler's penis on the camera cell phone of a female student trainer. The cell phone had been taken out of her purse while she was in the West Allegheny trainers' room. When the purse was returned, the photo was found on the phone. Moon Area coaches cooperated with police to find out who took the picture.

"Schools have run into problems when these things are used in a malicious way. The possibilities are endless and we are trying to prevent those kinds of things," Hoover said.

Bans on the use of electronic equipment date to 1989 when the state Legislature passed a law barring pagers from school property, school-sponsored functions and buses except for special circumstances. They included students with a sick family member or those who were members of volunteer fire departments. At the time, school officials complained about pagers interrupting classes and said they suspected the devices were being used to set up drug deals. After that legislation, a number of districts created policies that banned the possession of cell phones on school property. But most of those districts have eased those policies since the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks, when students found cells phones to be a comfort. Now most districts allow students to carry cell phones, but they must be turned off during school hours. In Peters, the board is considering banning use of cell phones on school buses and during organized after-school activities, although some board members said this may be difficult because many working parents use cell phones to reach their children after school. Peters Board President Denise Abraham said at a recent board meeting that the task of devising an effective policy governing cell phones and similar electronic devices was frustrating.

"This is sort of like herding cats," she said.


Monday, December 13, 2004



Heinrich Heine
---
"Every man, either to his terror or consolation, has some sense of religion."

"Experience is a good school. But the fees are high."

"God will forgive me. It's his job."

"Great genius takes shape by contact with another great genius, but, less by assimilation than by fiction."

"I fell asleep reading a dull book and dreamed I kept on reading, so I awoke from sheer boredom."

"I have never seen an ass who talked like a human being, but I have met many human beings who talked like asses."

"If the Romans had been obliged to learn Latin, they would never have found time to conquer the world."

"In earlier religions the spirit of the time was expressed through the individual and confirmed by miracles. In modern religions the spirit is expressed through the many and confirmed by reason."

"Oh, what lies there are in kisses."

"Talking and eloquence are not the same: to speak and to speak well are two things. A fool may talk, but a wise man speaks

Count HIM out

At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, the U.S. attorney general said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," the attorney general said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'there are 3 sides to every triangle'."

When asked to comment on the arrest, President George W. Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes!!!"




Friday, December 10, 2004

More Christmas Controversy

December Dilemma Watch


The controversial (and humorous) debates over how families and communities handle the holidays.
Compiled by Holly Lebowitz Rossi.

http://www.beliefnet.com/story/156/story_15699_1.html

Example below

Christian leaders are up in arms over a nativity display in a London wax museum that casts soccer superstar David Beckham and his Spice Girl wife Victoria (a.k.a. Posh) as Joseph and Mary. The display also casts President George W. Bush as one of the three wise men, and the actors Hugh Grant and Samuel L. Jackson as shepherds. Museum spokespeople are saying that the display was intended to be "fun," but Christian leaders are not amused. "There is a well-understood tradition that each generation interprets and reinterprets the Nativity ... but, oh dear!" said the Rev. Jonathan Jenkins, spokesman for the archbishop of Canterbury, who leads the world's 77 million Anglicans.


What do you think?

Back to Basics


It's so easy to think of Hanukkah, which began the other night, as the "Jewish Christmas," what with the heightened marketing hype that's come to be associated with it. But, as this article from the Orthodox website Aish.com points out, Hanukkah is not a central holiday religiously or spiritually for Jews. Ironically, the article states, one of the themes of Hanukkah is precisely a resistance to cultural assimilation

I love the fun on eBay!

By United Press International
Source: United Press International


Boy sells Grandpa's ghost on eBay

HOBART, Ind. (United Press International via COMTEX)


-- An Indiana boy has reportedly convinced his mother to put his grandfather's ghost up for sale on eBay so the ghost wouldn't come back to haunt him. Six-year-old Collin Anderson's grandfather died in the boy's home.

Collin's mother, Mary Anderson, told the Indianapolis Star the ghost is being auctioned along with Collin's grandfather's cane. There's one catch: whoever wins the bidding war must send Collin a letter letting him know they have received both items - the cane and the ghost. Grandpa's ghost and cane have so far drawn more than 30 bids and a top offer of $78. Bidders have posted a variety of messages about the unusual auction item.

"I have had ghosts go bad before and haven't had a warranty.

I don't want to deal with another bad ghost. Thanks.

Will you ship to Canada?" asked one skeptical bidder.

Collin, who is named after his now-ghostly grandfather, will get to spend the proceeds, the Star said.



PS. I can't find the eBay link to this story but if you do a search for grandpa's ghost on eBay you'll find a dozen or so copycats now selling grandpa's ghost. One haunted Grandpa's cane even comes with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich... shades of the recent craziness over a "miraculous grilled cheese sandwich" on eBay! http://search.ebay.com/Grandpas-ghost_W0QQfromZR40QQsatitleZGrandpaQ27sQ20ghostQQsojsZ1





Thursday, December 09, 2004

Spoof

BUSH LEGAL TEAM SUES TO PREVENT SANTA RECOUNT

WASHINGTON, D.C. (Dec. 8) -


Attorneys for President George W. Bush filed suit in federal court today, seeking to prevent Santa Claus from making his list and then checking it twice. The complaint seeks an immediate injunction against the beloved Christmas icon, asking the court to effectively ban his traditional practice of checking the list of good boys and girls one additional time before packing his sleigh.

The suit, filed in Federal District Court, asks a judge to "hereby order Mr. Claus to cease and desist all repetitive and duplicativee list-checking activity, and certify the original list as submitted, without amendment, alteration, deletion, or other unecessary modification."

"There are no standards for deciding who is naughty, and who is nice. It's totally arbitrary and capricious. How many more times does he need to check? This checking, checking, and re-checking over and over again must stop now," said former Secretary James Baker. Baker further claimed that unnamed GOP observErs witnessed an elf removing all boys named John from the 'nice' list, filing them under 'naughty' instead because "everyone knows all boys named John are brats."

President Bush cited the potential for unauthorized list tampering, and blasted what he called the "crazy, crazy mesS up there at tHe North Pole."

"Their security is really awful, really bad," said Bush. "My mother just walked right in, told 'em she was Mrs. Claus. They didn't check her ID or nothing."

The Rev. Jesse Jackson was quick to respond to this latest development with plans to lead his protesters from Florida to the North Pole via dogsled. The "Million Man Mush" is scheduled to leave Friday. "We need red suits and sleighs, not law suits and delays," Jackson said.

Meanwhile, Vice President Dick Cheney issued a direct plea to St. Nick himself. "Mr. Claus, I call on you to do the honorable thing, and quit checking your list. The children of the world have had enough. They demand closure now," Cheney said, adding that his granddaughter has already selected a name for the pony she's asked for.

Santa Claus could not be reached for comment, but an spokeself said he was "deeply distressed" by news of the pending legal action against him.

"He's losing weight, and he hasn't said 'Ho Ho' for days," said the spokeself. "He's just not feeling jolly."

A weary nation can relate.




Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Blogging News

MSN today unveiled an updated version of its free communication service which adds a beta version of its first blogging tool to existing email and instant messaging offerings.

Dubbed MSN Spaces, the blogging service was accompanied by a beta version of MSN Messenger 7.0 and updates to MSN Hotmail.

The free beta tool, which is available in 14 languages, is designed to make it easier for consumers to create and maintain a personal website. It allows users to share photo albums, personal music lists and other digital content. Through enhanced integration with MSN Messenger and Hotmail, MSN Spaces can automatically notify online contacts when a blog has been updated.

"Communicating with others is the number one thing people do online," said Blake Irving, corporate vice president at MSN's Communication Services and Member Platform Group. "

As widely used as our individual services are today, we know we can do more to help our customers communicate across the different modes they use, like blogs, instant messaging and email.

"The investments MSN is making in MSN Spaces, Messenger and Hotmail are designed to break down some of the barriers between the services so that people can focus less on the technology and more on the people they care about."

Users can sign up for the service at MSN Spaces or through MSN Messenger.


By Robert Jaques



Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Astronomy and Astrophysics

http://eaa.iop.org/index.cfm?action=home

This unique resource covers the entire field of astronomy and astrophysics and this online version includes the full text of over 2,750 articles, plus sophisticated search and retrieval functionality, links to the primary literature, and is frequently updated with new material. An active editorial team, headed by the Encyclopedia's editor-in-chief, Paul Murdin, oversees the continual commissioning, reviewing and loading of new and revised content.

Any takers?


The $10,000 martini. Posted by Hello



The famed Algonquin hotel, where the Round Table once gathered is now offering a $10,000 martini. The martini comes with a loose diamond at the bottom. No spontaneous drunken ordering allowed—the martini requires 72 hours’ notice including a meeting with a jeweler to choose the stone. The martini has been on the menu for a week and no one has ordered one yet. This leads to a very interesting etiquette question: when ordering a martini with a diamond at the bottom, does one let it rest there until the drink is finished, or fish it out first to prevent overenthusiastic swallowing?

Monday, December 06, 2004

The site is back

Visit The Breast Cancer Site at http://www.thebreastcancersite.com/home every day and click on the pink "Fund Free Mammograms" button to help fund free mammograms for homeless, low-income women.

It costs you nothing to help make early detection and survival possible. Funding is paid by site sponsors and goes to the nonprofit National Breast Cancer Foundation, who uses it to grant access to mammography to women in need. You can click once per day.

Pass it along as a way to fight breast cancer all year long!

http://www.thebreastcancersite.com/home

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Sotheby Auction


WORLD'S LARGEST WINE BOTTLE
HOLDS OVER 173 BOTTLES OF BERINGER PRIVATE RESERVE CABERNET Posted by Hello

That translates to 1200 glasses of wine... {hic}

http://www.beringer.com/section/bigbottle1.jsp