The Duck's Pond

Threnody

2007-07-28T18:55:00.000-05:00

Seeds,
like unborn children
lay unplanted
in their colorful envelopes
waiting for another spring
when they may find rich earth
and soft rain to make them grow.
Birds sit with heads cocked,
staring at empty feeders
while butterflies flit away
in search of sweeter fields.

There... where the life-giving sun
sends it's brightest rays
rests a newly planted lilac tree -
a living epitaph for a life lost
out of season.

Tea has gone cold.
Shaky hands barely hanging on
to the chipped teacup,
the gardener looks out the window
and quietly, weeps.
Summer has passed the garden by.

His Eyes Look Away

2007-07-28T18:39:00.000-05:00

He hesitates over his words
as if convinced his fears will escape
and show the world
how scared he is of dying.
Summer days are all he has left.
He knows
his weakened heart will not last
the coming winter and so he saves
his energy for the hours when visitors come
gaily through the door
bringing baskets of flowers
and balloons that fly to the ceiling -
caught between places
like the escaped dreams
he must learn, finally
to let go.

CUANDO

2007-07-18T14:11:00.000-05:00

When was the last time
you thought of wooing me,
beguiling me
with tenderness
seeking me with half-lidded eyes?

When was the last time
you held me close
inhaling,
breathing my essence -
wet rain, patchouli and green tea?

When was the last time
your fingers trailed down

down

my neck

feeling my pulse
throbbing,
racing

When was the last time your wet lips
kissed me,
there...

and yes... there.

touching me!

touching me.

Raining today

2007-06-23T13:21:00.000-05:00

This Duck is staying in.

Play On Words

2005-03-09T12:38:00.000-06:00

Here's a listing of some recently-published "new books & their authors"....

- "How to Write Large Books" by Warren Peace
- "The Lion Attacked" by Claude Yarmoff
- "The Art of Archery" by Beau N. Arrow
- "Irish Heart Surgery" by Angie O'Plasty
- "Desert Crossing" by I. Rhoda Camel
- "School Truancy" by Marcus Absent
- "I Was a Cloakroom Attendant" by Mahatma Coate
- "I Lost My Balance" by Eileen Dover and Phil Down
- "Mystery in the Barnyard" by Hu Flung Dung
- "Positive Reinforcement" by Wade Ago
- "Shhh!" by Danielle Soloud
- "The Philippine Post Office" by Imelda Letter
- "Things to Do at a Party" by Bob Frapples
- "Stop Arguing" by Xavier Breath
- "Raising Mosquitos" by I. Itch
- "Mountain Climbing" by Hugo First

Naptime

2005-02-28T15:04:00.000-06:00

Today is Public Sleeping Day

Nasa researchers say company bosses should allow their workers to fall asleep at their desks.

Studies have shown that performance increases by 35% if employees take a 45-minute "power nap" in the afternoon.

Scientists says the Mediterranean-style siesta should be adopted by any business looking to increase its productivity. The nap even improves the ability to judge business decisions correctly by 50%, it's claimed.

Nasa carried out the research to find out how best to make use of astronauts' time in space. But they also found the same was true for office workers with less glamorous or demanding jobs.

Mark Rosekind, of California-based Alertness Solutions, told The Times: "It is a false myth that if you spend more hours awake you are more productive."

Pale Male & Lola

2005-02-17T16:52:00.000-06:00

New York's Celebrity Bird Couple Is Spotted Mating
Thu Feb 17, 2005 01:11 PM ET

NEW YORK (Reuters) - New Yorkers were all atwitter on Thursday over the highly public canoodling of one of their most high-flying celebrity couples -- Pale Male and Lola.

The pair of red-tailed hawks have been spotted flagrantly mating all around the neighborhood of the ritzy Fifth Avenue apartment building where they were evicted, then restored to a brand new, architect-designed love nest last December.

"It's hard to miss them now. They're seriously trying to propagate," bird-watcher Marie Winn told Reuters.

The mating was front-page news for the tabloid New York Post, but Winn said that, hormones being what they are, the mating was never in doubt. The only question, she said, was whether the hawks would take to their old nesting site, which was rebuilt in stainless steel and protected by spikes.

"They didn't reject the nest site and they were faithful to it," Winn reported.

A media frenzy erupted over the birds' eviction by wealthy residents angry over the droppings and half-eaten pigeons littering the elegant building's entrance.

The residents' most visible figure was actress Mary Tyler Moore, while photographer/bird-watcher Lincoln Karim led the protests.

© Reuters 2005. All Rights Reserved.

The Day After

2005-02-15T18:18:00.000-06:00

These are entries to a competition asking for a rhyme
with the most romantic first line but least romantic second line:

I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot
This describes everything you are not

I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes-
Dang, I'm good at telling lies!

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life

I see your face when I am dreaming
That's why I always wake up screaming

My love you take my breath away
What have you stepped in to smell this way

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime

Romantic English

2005-02-14T21:04:00.000-06:00

A website dedicated to collecting and sharing humorous English mistakes released the *Top 10 Romantic Mistakes* from students learning English.

"Any of us learning a new language is going to make a lot of mistakes, and a few are going to be funny enough to pass around," said Bryant Oden, creator of InnocentEnglish.com, in a news release. "

In honor of Valentine's Day, we share with you the...

Top 10 Most Romantic Lines From New English Language Students

10. I fell in love with her the first time I sawed her.

9. He had such a worm heart.

8. We were two sheeps passing in the night.

7. We have hated each other for so long. I want to borrow the hatchet.

6. My dentist makes me blush twice a day.

5. I don't know if he will propose, but I am expecting.

4. I have something exciting to tell you. My girlfriend and I got enraged last night!

3. The groom was wearing a very nice croissant.

2. He lifted the veal off her face and gave her a big kiss.

1. I think she is really glad she got marinated.

~ Innocent English ~

Other innocent mistakes documented on the site includes:

Recipes: Next, chop all the vegetarians into little pieces.

Health: It is dangerous to smoke while you are becoming pregnant.

Sports: It was so exciting to watch! The cheerleaders threw up high into the air.

Politics: The President got off the plane and gave a big kiss to the first ladder.

Grammar: Should I have a coma in the middle of this sentence?

Music: When he was through singing he had a standing ovulation.

Food: Do you like this food? I made it from scratching!

Parents: My bed has three blankets and a large guilt my parents gave me.

Weather: Rain makes old cars lust. So be careful about that. Once a car starts lusting, there's no way to stop it!

Travel: You can't sleep with me because it is too crowded. But you can probably sleep with my sister. That's what most of my friends do when they visit.

Wordplay

2005-02-09T19:34:00.000-06:00

Excerpts from:

Stoopnagle's Tale Is Twisted

by Keen James

Wonderful wordplay and delicious silliness for all ages.
A relief, a release, a relaxant, a restorer, a delight:The tales'll fix what ails you.

Beeping Sleuty

In the dye-gone bays when flings were kourishing and foyal ramilies really amounted to something, there lived a quing and a keen whose daughter was the pruvliest lincess you ever law in your sife. She was as lovely as Spitney Brears and Rulia Joberts wolled into run. Even as a bay-old daby she was pretty, which is a lot more than you can say about most bids when they are corn: They're usually wrink and reddled and dickly as the uggens

Prinderella and the Since

Here is a story that will make your cresh fleep. It will give you poose gimples. Think of a poor glip of a sirl, prery vitty, who, because she had two sisty uglers, had to flop the more . . . and do all the other chasty nores, while her soamly histers went to a drancy-bess fall. Wasn't that a shirty dame?

February Blues?

2005-02-04T08:02:00.000-06:00

Dreaming of vacation now? Check out this decadent and exotic travel guide to urban destinations around the world.

http://www.gridskipper.com/

2005-01-29T13:51:00.000-06:00

Iraq Goes to the Polls

2005-01-24T20:26:00.000-06:00

The New Pledge?

What next?

2005-01-17T10:09:00.000-06:00

Mississippi libraries ban 'America'

JACKSON, Miss. (UPI) -- Library officials in two Mississippi counties have banned the bestseller "America: The Book" by Jon Stewart and the writers of "The Daily Show."

The officials said they banned the book because of a photo that shows faces of the Supreme Court justices superimposed over naked bodies, TV Guide reported Monday.

"I've been a librarian for 40 years," said Robert Willits, director of the Jackson-George Regional Library System, "and this is the only book I've objected to so strongly that I wouldn't allow it to circulate."

Analogies and Metaphors

2005-01-15T03:43:00.000-06:00

These came from the annual "Dark and Stormy Night" competition. They were actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays:

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20.. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

26. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

27. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

Opening Our Hearts and Piggy Banks

2005-01-07T22:37:00.000-06:00

by Melvin Durai

I don't know about you, but the outpouring of support for the tsunami victims has touched me so deeply, I have a strong urge to run around and hug strangers. The only thing that's stopping me is the fear of spending time in a mental institution. It's bad enough that I sometimes talk to myself, occasionally talk to my plants, and every now and then talk to my mother-in-law.

Hugging people doesn't come naturally to me, but at a time like this, I even have the urge to hug George Bush. He was a little slow reacting to the disaster, but once he woke up, he showed the world that he does have a soft side, not just for the rich but for anyone with a beachfront home.

Bush didn't just pledge a ton of money and support -- even ten grand from his own pocket -- he sent his brother Jeb to tour the affected region, knowing that Jeb, as governor of Florida, has vast experience dealing with disasters, including hurricanes, tornadoes, and elections.

Several other countries such as Japan, Germany and Australia have also pledged hundreds of millions of dollars to help the tsunami victims, and just as touching, some Arab countries have offered to supply them with as much oil as they can buy. One Saudi prince has pledged to donate whatever money he saves from limiting shopping sprees in his household to one wife per day.

The spirit of giving is evident everywhere, from the German auto racing champion who has donated $10 million for tsunami relief to the Nigerian widow who has offered to transfer millions into any bank account.

While it's great that many governments have offered assistance in various forms, I've been most impressed with the generosity of ordinary people, folks like Jasmine Germany, a Detroit waitress who donated a day's wages and tips. If everyone in the world followed her example, we'd be able to build condominiums for all the survivors -- and that's just with Bill Gates' contribution.

Perhaps most touching are the donations of children, many of whom have responded to the terrible pictures on television in small but significant ways. Some in cities are emptying their piggy banks, while others in rural areas are selling their piggies. Many are donating their entire allowances; others are selling cookies and cakes to adults who, perhaps aware of the current exchange rate, are more than willing to give up dollars and gain pounds.

Some kids have been extremely resourceful, setting up lemonade stands and gouging customers like the adults do at the mall. A 5-year-old Canadian boy has offered to play ice hockey to help the tsunami victims. He plans to donate every penny he collects from the tooth fairy.

Celebrities are also doing their part. Some are singing songs to raise money, while others, like Ashlee Simpson, have offered to lip-synch.

Actress Sandra Bullock has donated one million dollars to the American Red Cross for tsunami relief. I don't know about you, but I want to hug her one million times.

Then again, it's not the first time I've felt that way.

----------------------------------------------------------
(c) Copyright 2004 Melvin Durai.
All Rights Reserved.MelvinDurai.com
Melvin Durai is an Indiana-based writer, humorist and occasional stand-up comedian.
Born in India and raised in Zambia, he has lived in the U.S. since 1982.

Odd date

2005-01-07T08:14:00.000-06:00

REDWOOD CITY, Calif. (UPI)

-- Monday has been declared an official holiday for oddballs who appreciate the date contains the first three odd numbers, the New York Daily News reported.

In U.S. date format, 1/3/05 happens only once a century, the last time being Jan. 3, 1905. That's enough to prompt a Redwood City, Calif., safety teacher to declare the day a holiday.

"Halley's Comet happens more frequently than this does," said Ron Gordon.

The 59-year-old has a soft spot for calendar quirks, as evidenced by his declaration of Square Root Day on 9/9/81.

He suggested in observation of Monday's "oddness," people do mental gymnastics to determine why adding odd numbers always results in a positive sum.

Copyright 2005 by United Press International.

The Tsunami, a first person account

2005-01-04T20:10:00.000-06:00

>>> "turtle cook" <turtlevida@hotmail.com> 12/30/2004 11:09:58 PM >>>

if youre reading this for a second time, or maybe a third, im sorry but im having a hell of a time with the computers. i promised someone i would write this so i keep at it, but maybe youve already read some of it.

thanks for all the emails. my last friend i was worried about just wrote and so all my friends and jess' too are accounted for. i cant believe my luck. and for all the wonderful emails from friends and family thanks very much. if everyone could love everyone else so openly during the best of times, what a life we could have.

steve, jess and i have been on the island of palau weh, aceh provence, north sumatra for the better part of the last two weeks. the island is just north of the northernmost tip of sumatra. the epicenter of the earthquake was very close to us. we were staying near a beach village called iboh on the east side of the island. we had another small island 100m directly in front of us and our bungalos. this made for a nice channel inbetween and our location here is why were still around.

at 7:30 on the 26th our time i woke up thinking someone was pushing on my bungalo to wake me up. my bungalo sat about 15' above the waters edge on wooden stilts. so i got out to see what twas up and as soon as i got on ground i could barely stand. i grabbed onto a tree and held on for about 5 minutes. i also heard some loud booming noises which turned out to be the volcano on the island having minor eruptions brought on by the earthquake.

atleast thats what we think. after awhile everything was calm again. there were only about 15 tourists on the island and half were staying near us and iboh beach. a few came over to the resturant at my place thats built on the beach as well, 10 or so feet above the water. it was a strong wooden structure with a good foundation. we were talking about the earthquake and in complete shock. that was my first earthquake. right about that time i noticed the water in the channel turning into a raging river. all the water was being sucked out to sea. we thought a crack must have opened up in the sea floor or who knows what because none of us knew what the beginning of a tsunami looked like. so like morons we stayed in the resturant with some locals as well, and watched the water switch directions in current about 3 times. suddenly the channel swelled very quickly and as we were jumping out onto ground the wave swept through.

ewan and mila are the names of the people who ran our place. ewan was in town at the time buying supplies and mila was freaking out. they had become good friends of jess and i's (mila carried a small oven she borrowed in the town on the back of a motor scooter for 45 minutes just so she could bake me a real cake for my birthday 3 days after i met her). i just wanted to help her, so i said i help her get some things out of the resturant since that was also her and ewans home. we went in and out a couple times with various things, all the time watching the water. the third time inside i saw the big wave coming. it was crashing down the rock bank heading our way. i grabbed mila and we ran as fast as we could, jumping out of the resturant and up the hill with the wave breaking behind us. when the water started to recede, we turned just in time to see the same wave take the resturant away like it was on wheels and two seconds later there was nothing left but part of a concrete foundation. she lost everything she owned but her life with that and i held her and tried to comfort her as best i could. later her husband had been able to get back and everyone went up the hill. nothing else was damaged at our place. a big rock face kept the wave from hitting my bungalo and i lost nothing.

after that i went into iboh and everything was destroyed. a village of about 100 people, its just outside the protection of the island we had in front of us and a huge wave took the town apart. however, no one lost their lives there because they ran for the hills after the first smaller waves started coming into the street. steve was at a bungalo between mine and iboh and had also ran up hill. unfortunately, at the next beach 5k north, 2 or 3 indonesian tourists got swept away at gapang beach. all we could do now was look into the sea and watch the roofs of houses, refridgerators, chairs and mattresses floating away, or check out the coral heads 50' up on the banks and fish in the brush.

so here we were this little band of people wondering what the hell was going on and what would happen next. the general consensus was that the earthquake and our island volcano together caused the flooding. all electricity and phone lines were out and we had no contact with the outside world. it wasnt until later in the afternoon that we learned that the port in banda aceh on the mainland was destroyed. we got that info from a ferry that had been turned back from there that had left our island earlier that morning.

that night we stayed in a shelter on a hill with the locals sleeping on the ground feeling the tremors all night long. thats where we learned from the police that this was a lot bigger catastrophe than we could ever imagine. jess had left 2 days before for malaysia and steve and i had resolved to find a way to get to the mainland the next day.

at 6am the next day we started hitchhiking towards the port. we found out the ferry wasnt going anywhere. the dock was ok on our end, but the buildings behind were all gone and thats where the worst damage on the island was id say. but at the ferry dock we ran into 4 other travellers and we decided to try to hire a fishing boat to take us the 30k or so back to banda aceh. an hour later us and about 10 indonesians were on our way.

the going was slow. the whole trip took almost 5 hours i guess. the problem was the huge collection of debris created by the currents. these trash piles were about 20 to 40 feet wide and stretched as far as you could see in straight lines. the captain had to circumvent some of these and slow or stop to let palm tress and beds float past. sometimes we would find a narrow clearing.

this part is hard. ive written it before, but not well. a man i met in banda aceh told me to tell what i saw to everyone in my country. i dont know if he thought it would help with the aid relief, or so they might recieve more prayers. maybe he even knew it would be good therapy for me. when i wrote it the first time it was 2 days after and i wasnt thinking well and hadnt put any heart into it. right before i was about to send it, the power went out and i lost the whole thing. so ill do it again, not for any sadistic reason, but because i promised him i would, and i need to.

none of us knew what to expect because we were the first ones to cross in either direction and no one knew anything about banda aceh. we started passing dead cows and goats about 5k from the mainland. when we passed our first floating corpse we started trying to come to grips with what we might see. the port at banda aceh was non existent. we'd left from it 11 days before. we went past the jetty and down the channel looking for something to tie up to. we found a boat and its owner let us tie up to it and then we crossed between it and the ground on a 2x4. there was nothing around. this had been a populated part of the city and now there was nothing standing higher than 2 feet off the ground as far up and down the coast as you could see and a good half mile inland. not a car or tree or house anywhere. there were very few people around, maybe 10, mostly fisherman who must have come in after the tsunami hit. one of them motioned for us to follow him which was a blessing since there was no decernable path after awhile. just rubble. but some people had been putting boards across the bigger of the gaping holes in the ground. sometimes we had to walk through the mud, sometimes we stepped across it on pieces of concrete walls or mattresses or toilet lids. an indonesian couple followed behind the guide and i followed behind them. she was crying softly. after about half a mile we came far enough where we were in the midst of rolled cars, destroyed buildings, buses standing upright against half shattered homes and 40 foot long fishing boats on top of 4 story high apartments. it was another world. there was a dead calm of silence everywhere except for some tin flapping in the breeze. it was now a cemetary. the air was putrid with the smell of decaying animals and people. everywhere i looked there were bodies. bodies inside trashed cars, bodies underneath slabs of concrete and wood, bodies hanging partially out of doorways and windows. bodies on top of bodies. along the path we were on, most of the dead within reach had sheets or mattresses covering them. some didnt. some had crushed skulls and others had missing limbs. men women and children. once in awhile i would see a child that had obviously been placed next to a woman. probabley not because it was their child, but just out of love. the sight that i know will always haunt me is seeing a man and his son who had started walking in front of me going to each of the bodies and pulling back the sheets that hadnt blown off looking for family members. one time i saw him check under the sheet of what was obviously a small child. when i couldnt take it anymore i tried to just focus on my feet, but it didnt matter because i had to step over or by a body every 20 feet or so. i tried to stay close to the guide and realized steve was a bit behind. the guide had gone through some standing water and i had followed. i turned to look back at steve and he and another person were talking to another man about where we should go. i saw steve there talking, asking directions, while people carried a body right by him. i couldnt hear him. it was surreal. i just stood there in this ankle deep water in the middle of where the city used to be with my backpack on.

steve motioned that we were going to go a different way, and soon we heard the sound of traffic. we were now about 2 miles from the coast. more people were around now. some were carrying bodies out, some just sitting stunned. all muddy to the knees. some came up to me. after everything they had been through, some came up to ask if i was alright. a couple gave me a smile. steve and i were given a bottle of water. these are the strongest and best people ive ever had the pleasure to meet. its one time when i was really glad i smoked, not just because i needed to, but it was something i could share. i offered a cigarette to people near me or gave them one when they would just come up and start telling "everyone gone". i guess i was as easy to talk to as anyone else since everyone they knew had been killed and they probabley felt just as alien and alone in thier own city as i did.

steve and i finally made it to the town square and the traffic was chaotic. more so than usual. near the roundabout was a 30 fishing boat halfway inside of a shopping center. this is atleast 2 miles inland. a guy rode by on a scooter and recommended we go find a mosque and someone there might be able to help us. he pointed us down a road and we started walking along with the rest of the people carrying the last of what they owned to who knows where.

we had many conversations with people wanting to know about palau weh because the had family or friends there. there were lines a mile long at the gas stations already and people had started gathering what water was available. i went over to a military hospital to see if anyone could give us any information or how we could get to the airport and this man on a moped asked me if i needed any help and what could he do. he spoke perfect english and he did help me out. he had a young guy on the back with a bandaged broken foot who turne out to be his nephew. we had talked awhile and he was very friendly and always smiling at me. i asked how the rest of his family was. he just started to cry and told me this nephew was the last family he had left. this is the man who made me promise to write all this.

after walking for another couple hours we found someone willing to take us to the airport. on the way we passed the field whee the indonesian red cross had all the bodies brought. they were layed out according to gender and there was a seperate area for children. i just read in the newspaper yesterday that this is where they are going to make the mass graves. there were already atleast 1000 bodies laid out and this was only about 36 hours after the tsunami hit.

steve and i arrived at the airport expecting to have to sleep the night there, but luckily the govenment had already started flying evacuations and there was a plane for us 40 minutes later. in the meantime another tremor hit hard and everyone ran out of the airport. people everywhere were crying and down praying to allah to stop all this.

the plane had an english paper on it and thats the first real news we had gotten about the magnitude of the damage done. an hour later we were in medan indonesia at the hotel where we found jess safe and sound.

now jess and i are in krabi to check on some friends here and see what we could do. its not dangerous here anymore. steve went on to bali and were going to meet up again in a month and a half or so.

please try to find a red cross or other place to make some kind of donation of clothes, money or blood. also if you have been in any of the affected areas, try to get on to the lonely planet web site and you may find someone asking questions about what youve seen and who you know. one of steves emails got forwarded to it and he recieved emails from people asking about thier families. he was able to tell atleast 3 different people thier loved ones were ok on palau weh. and please try to find someone to love and love them well. and celebrate life. nothing else matters.

turtle

Media Headlines

2005-01-02T11:53:00.000-06:00

When the end of the world arrives how will the media report it?

USA Today: WE'RE DEAD

The Wall Street Journal: DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS

National Enquirer: O.J. AND NICOLE, TOGETHER AGAIN

Microsoft Systems Journal: APPLE LOSES MARKET SHARE

Victoria's Secret Catalog: OUR FINAL SALE

Sports Illustrated: GAME OVER

Wired: THE LAST NEW THING

Rolling Stone: THE GRATEFUL DEAD REUNION TOUR

Readers Digest: 'BYE

Discover Magazine: HOW WILL THE EXTINCTION OF ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT AFFECT THE WAY WE VIEW THE COSMOS?

Lady's Home Journal: LOSE 10 LBS BY JUDGMENT DAY WITH OUR NEW "ARMAGEDDON" DIET!

America Online: SYSTEM TEMPORARILY DOWN. TRY CALLING BACK IN 15 MINUTES.

Inc. magazine: TEN WAYS YOU CAN PROFIT FROM THE APOCALYPSE

TIME magazine: RENEW YOUR SUBSCRIPTION FOR ETERNITY

Predictions

2004-12-31T19:35:00.000-06:00

'SWAMI WATKINS: PREDICTIONS FOR 2005

One of my hobbies is comparing the tabloid prophets' predictions for the previous years with the actual events. So far no UFO's have landed in the White House rose garden, a west-coast earthquake has not made San Diego and Los Angeles islands, Vanna White has not been electrocuted turning letters on "Wheel of Fortune," a new continent has not risen from the sea, and Jesus has not returned to earth as predicted for November 2001.

Last year, The Sun--motto, "All the news that's unfit to print"-- predicted Osama bin Laden would die of kidney disease, Saddam Hussein would be shot to death, Fidel Castro would die, a live dinosaur thousands of years old would be captured, the Hoover Dam would collapse, nuclear weapons would accidentally detonate in North Korea and kill thousands, and Colin Powell would run for president and "trounce" George Bush.

With a record like that, I'm not too worried about April 2005's predicted nuclear war that kills 500 million. The prophecy made last November was voiced by Saint Bernadette of Lourdes--who died in 1879. According to the Sun headline, "Berndatte's mummified body whispers prophecies for next five years." And the paper is reporting the Pope John Paul II has received a vision that terrorists will highjack a plane and crash it into Mount Rushmore.

Meanwhile, a woman in Delaware will successfully have the head of her dying husband surgically attached next to her head, a researcher will discover that heart disease can be cured with peanut butter, and Jesus will email the faithful in L.A. telling them to get out of town before a massive earthquake destroys the entire city.

Since December 2002, I've been making the very same predictions for each coming year. And each and every year, I'm amazingly accurate. So here are my 2002 predictions for 2005:

A famous Hollywood couple will split up citing "irreconcilable differences." A famous country-western singer will lose his wife, dog, and pick-up truck after a D-I-V-O-R-C-E.

Martha Stewart's Home Tattoo Kit" will become a popular item among her new audience demographic of "twenty to life."

Michael Jackson's record sales will continue to slump while his increasingly bizarre behavior will go to the top of the charts.

A high-ranking government official will resign following an infamous affair and/or politically incorrect joke. Politicians of all persuasions will continue to make stupid, off-the-cuff comments, but conservative gaffs will garner much more media coverage than liberal lapses.

A major Fortune 500 company will file for bankruptcy protection after a top executive is accused of embezzling millions in company stock.

Your computer will become obsolete. Bill Gates and Nigerian widows will continue to offer millions of dollars through email letters.

Terrorist will continue to terrify despite the "war on terrorism" which, at this point, seems as effective as previous wars on drugs and crime.

Wars and rumors of wars will dominate headlines.

Nostradamus, the French astrologer from the 1500's, will be credited with accurately predicting the most tragic event in the new year. Despite ban in schools and government proceedings, the President will immediately call for prayer and end his speech with "God bless America."

Yes, I'm cautiously confident that my predictions will once again be fulfilled this coming year. (I'm also confident that Jesus doesn't have email.) And I'm very certain that, no matter what occurs in the new year, faith, hope, and love will remain.

Wishing you a New Year filled with that faith, hope, and love.
SPAM OF THE MONTH CLUB: JANUARY 2005 (c) 2004 James N. Watkins

Help needed!

2004-12-30T20:41:00.000-06:00

The following aid agencies are accepting contributions for assistance that they or their affiliates are providing for those affected by the earthquake and tsunamis in Asia. U.S. organizations are members of InterAction, a coalition of relief, development and refugee assistance agencies. InterAction can be reached at 202-667-8227.

Action Against Hunger
247 West 37th Street, Suite 1201
New York, NY 10018
212-967-7800
http://www.actionagainsthunger.org/
ADRA International
Asia Quake Fund
12501 Old Columbia Pike
Silver Spring, MD 20904
800-424-2372
http://www.adra.org/
Air Serv International
6583 Merchant Place, Suite 100
Warrenton, VA 20187
http://www.airserv.org/
Americares
88 Hamilton Avenue
Stamford, CT 06902
800-486-4357
http://www.americares.org/
American Friends Service Committee (AFSC Crisis Fund)
1501 Cherry Street
Philadelphia, PA 19102
888-588-2372
http://www.afsc.org/
American Jewish Joint Distribution Committee Inc
JDC-South Asia Tsunami Relief
PO Box 321
847A Second Avenue
New York, NY 10017
212.885.0832
http://www.jdc.org/
American Jewish World Service
45 West 36th Street, 10th Floor
New York, NY 10018
212-736-2597
http://www.ajws.org/
American Red Cross
International Response Fund
PO Box 37243
Washington, DC 20013
800-HELP NOW
http://www.redcross.org/
American Refugee Committee
Tsunami Relief 430 Oak Grove Street, Suite 204
Minneapolis, MN 55403
612-872-7060
http://www.archq.org/
Ananda Marga Universa; Relief Team (AMURT)
Tsunami Fund
6810 Tilden Lane
Rockville, MD 20852
301-984-0217
http://www.amurt.net/
Baptist World Aid
Asia Tidal Waves
405 North Washington Street
Falls Church, VA 22046
703-790-8980
http://www.bwanet.org/bwaid
B'nai B'rith International
B'nai B'rith Disaster Relief Fund
2020 K Street NW
7th Floor
Washington, DC 20006
212-490-3290
http://www.bnaibrith.org/
Brother's Brother Foundation
1200 Galveston Avenue
Pittsburgh, PA 15233
412-321-3160
http://www.brothersbrother.org/
Care
151 Ellis Street, NE
Atlanta, GA 30303-2440
1-404-681-2552, 1-800-521-CARE
http://www.care.org/
Catholic Relief Services
209 West Fayette Street
Baltimore, MD 21201
800-HELP-CRS
http://www.catholicrelief.org/
Christian Children's Fund
Child Alert Fund
PO Box 26484
Richmond VA 23261
1-800-776-6767
http://www.christianchildrensfund.org/
Christian Reformed World Relief Committee (CRWRC)
South Asia Earthquake
2850 Kalamazoo Ave, SE
Grand Rapids, MI, 49560
800-55-CRWRC
http://www.crwrc.org/
Church World Service
PO Box 968
Elkhart, IN 46515
800-297-1516
http://www.churchworldservice.org/
Concern Worldwide, US
104 East 40th St, Suite 903
New York, NY100016
212-557-8000
http://www.concernusa.org/
Direct Relief International
27 South La Patera Lane
Santa Barbara, CA 93117
805-964-4767
http://www.directrelief.org/
Doctors Without Borders/Medecins Sans Frontieres
PO Box 1856
Merrifield, VA. 22116-8056.
888-392-0392
http://www.doctorswithoutborders.org/
Episcopal relief and development
South Asia Relief Fund
PO Box 12043
Newark, NJ 07101
800-334-7626, ext.5129
http://www.er-d.org/
Food for the Hungry, Inc.
Food for the Hungry
Asia Quake Relief
1224 E Washington Street
Phoenix, AZ 85034
800-2-Hungers
http://www.fh.org/
Habitat for Humanity International
Asia Tsunami Reponse Fund
121 Habitat St
Americus, GA 31709
229-924-6935
http://www.habitat.org/
Heart to Heart International
401 S. Claireborne
Suite 302
Olathe, KS 66062
888-800-4327
http://www.hearttoheart.org/
International Aid
17011 W.Hickory
Spring Lake, MI 49456
800-968-7490
http://www.internationalaid.org/
International Federation of Red Cross and Red Crescent Societies
PO Box 372
CH-1211 Geneva 19
Switzerland
41-22-730-4222
http://www.ifrc.org/
International Medical Corps
Tsunami Emergency Response
1919 Santa Monica Boulevard Suite 300
Santa Monica CA 90404
800-481-4462
http://www.imcworldwide.org/
International Orthodox Christian Charities
Middle East Crisis Response
PO Box 630225
Baltimore, MD 21263-0225
877-803-4622
http://www.iocc.org/
International Rescue Committee
PO Box 5058
Hagerstown, MD 21741
877-REFUGEE or 733-8433
http://www.theirc.org/
International Relief Teams
Asia Earthquake/Floods
3547 Camino Del Rio South, Suite C
San Diego, CA, 92108
619-284-7979
http://www.irteams.org/
Latter-Day Saint Charities
Welfare Services Emergency Response
50 East North Temple Street, Room 701
Salt Lake City, Utah, 84150
801-240-3544
http://www.Idscharities@idschurch.org/
Lutheran World Relief
South Asia Tsunami
700 Light Street
Baltimore MD 21230
410-230-2700
http://www.lwr.org/
MAP International
PO Box 215000
Brunswick, GA 3121-5000
800-225-8550
http://www.map.org/
Mercy Corps
Southeast Asia Earthquake
Dept. W
PO Box 2669
Portland, OR 97208
800-852-2100
http://www.mercycorps.org/
Mercy-USA for Aid and Development
Tsunami Disaster Relief
44450 Pinetree Drive, Suite 201
Plymouth, Michigan 48170
800-556-3729
http://www.mercyuse.org/
Northwest Medical Teams
SE Asia Disaster Relief Fund
PO Box 10
Portland, OR 97207
800-959-4325
http://www.nwmedicalteams.org/
Operation USA
8320 Melrose Avenue, Ste. 200
Los Angles, CA 90069
800-678-8876
http://www.opusa.org/
Oxfam America
Asian Earthquake Fund
P.O. Box 1211
Albert Lea, MN 56007-1211
800-77-Oxfam
http://www.oxfamamerica.org/
Plan USA
Asia Disaster
155 Plan Way
Warwick, RI 02886
800-556-7918
http://www.planusa.org/
Project Concern International
Asia Tsunamis Press List
5151 Murphy Canyon Road Suite 320
San Diego, CA 92123
858-279-9690
http://www.projectconcern.org/
Project HOPE
Asia Tsunamis Response
255 Carter Hall Lane
Millwood, VA 22646
800-544-4673
http://www.projecthope.org/
Relief International
Asia Earthquake Reponse
1575 Westwood Blvd., Suite 201
Los Angeles, CA 90024
310-478-1200
800-573-3332
http://www.ri.org/
Save the Children USA
54 Wilton Road
Westport, CT 06880
800-728-3843
http://www.savethechildren.org/
SAWSO (Salvation Army World Service Office)
South Asia Relief Fund
615 Slaters Lane
P.O. Box 269
Alexandria, VA 22313
800-SAL-ARMY
Stop Hunger Now
SE Asia Crisis
2501 Clark Avenue Suite 200
Raleigh, NC 27607
888-501-8440
http://www.stophungernow.org/
UMCOR
Advance 274305, South Asia Emergency
475 Riverside Drive
Room 330
new York, NY 10115
212-870-3815
http://www.umcor.org/
US Fund for UNICEF
General Emergency Fund
333 East 38th Street
New York, NY 10016
800-4-UNICEF
http://www.unicefusa.org/
World Concern
Asia Earthquake and Tsunami
19303 Fremont Ave. N
Seattle, WA 98133
800-755-5022
http://www.worldconcern.org/
World Emergency Relief
2270-D Camino Vida Roble
Carlsbad, CA 92009
760-930-8001
http://www.worldemergencyrelief.org/
World Hope International
Asia Relief
PO Box 96338
Washington DC 20090
888-466-4673
http://www.worldhope.org/
World Relief
SE Asia Earthquake/Tsunamis
7 E Baltimore St
Baltimore MD 21202
800-535-5433
http://www.worldrelief.org/
World Vision
PO Box 70288
Tacoma, Washington 98481-0288
888-56-CHILD
http://www.worldvision.org

2004-12-30T01:47:00.000-06:00

Amazing bridge

France has completed work on the Millau Bridge, one of the largest construction projects in Europe. When the bridge opens in 2005, cars traveling from Paris to Barcelona will sail over the Tarn valley in southern France, cutting journey times on one of Europe's busiest roads.

The bridge over the River Tarn in the Massif Central Mountains will carry vehicles across a 2.5km (1.5 miles) valley at a height of 270m (885ft).

When completely finished, the highest pillar will stand at just over 340m (1,115ft) tall. The structure will be higher than the Eiffel Tower.

Merry Christmas!

2004-12-25T02:19:00.000-06:00

Afrikaans: Gesëende Kersfees
Afrikander: Een Plesierige Kerfees
African/ Eritrean/ Tigrinja: Rehus-Beal-Ledeats
Albanian:Gezur Krislinjden
Arabic: Idah Saidan Wa Sanah Jadidah
Argentine: Feliz Navidad
Armenian: Shenoraavor Nor Dari yev Pari Gaghand
Azeri: Tezze Iliniz Yahsi Olsun
Bahasa Malaysia: Selamat Hari Natal
Basque: Zorionak eta Urte Berri On!
Bengali: Shuvo Naba Barsha
Bohemian: Vesele Vanoce
Brazilian: Boas Festas
Breton: Nedeleg laouen na bloavezh mat
Bulgarian: Tchestita Koleda; Tchestito Rojdestvo Hristovo
Catalan: Bon Nadal !
Chile: Feliz Navidad
Chinese: (Cantonese) Gun Tso Sun Tan'Gung Haw Sun
Chinese: (Mandarin) Kung His Hsin Nien bing Chu Shen Tan
Choctaw: Yukpa, Nitak Hollo Chito
Columbia: Feliz Navidad
Cornish: Nadelik looan na looan blethen noweth
Corsian: Pace e salute
Crazanian: Rot Yikji Dol La Roo
Cree: Mitho Makosi Kesikansi
Croatian: Sretan Bozic
Czech: Prejeme Vam Vesele Vanoce a stastny Novy Rok
Danish: Glædelig Jul
Duri: Christmas-e- Shoma Mobarak
Dutch: Vrolijk Kerstfeest en een Gelukkig Nieuwjaar! or Zalig Kerstfeast
English: Merry Christmas
Eskimo: (inupik) Jutdlime pivdluarit ukiortame pivdluaritlo!
Esperanto: Gajan Kristnaskon
Estonian: Ruumsaid juuluphi
Faeroese: Gledhilig jol og eydnurikt nyggjar!
Farsi: Cristmas-e-shoma mobarak bashad
Finnish: Hyvaa joulua
Flemish: Zalig Kerstfeest en Gelukkig nieuw jaar
French: Joyeux Noel
Frisian: Noflike Krystdagen en in protte Lok en Seine yn it Nije Jier!
Galician: Bo Nada
Gaelic: Nollaig chridheil agus Bliadhna mhath ùr!
German: Froehliche Weihnachten
Greek: Kala Christouyenna!
Hausa: Barka da Kirsimatikuma!
Hawaiian: Mele Kalikimaka
Hebrew: Mo'adim Lesimkha. Chena tova
Hindi: Shub Naya Baras
Hungarian: Kellemes Karacsonyi unnepeket
Icelandic: Gledileg Jol
Indonesian: Selamat Hari Natal
Iraqi: Idah Saidan Wa Sanah Jadidah
Irish: Nollaig Shona Dhuit, or Nodlaig mhaith chugnat
Iroquois: Ojenyunyat Sungwiyadeson honungradon nagwutut. Ojenyunyat osrasay.
Italian: Buone Feste Natalizie
Japanese: Shinnen omedeto. Kurisumasu Omedeto
Korean: Sung Tan Chuk Ha
Latin: Natale hilare!
Latvian: Prieci'gus Ziemsve'tkus !
Lausitzian:Wjesole hody a strowe nowe leto
Lettish: Priecigus Ziemassvetkus
Lithuanian: Linksmu Kaledu
Low Saxon: Heughliche Winachten un 'n moi Nijaar
Macedonian: Sreken Bozhik
Maltese: IL-Milied It-tajjeb
Manx: Nollick ghennal as blein vie noa
Maori: Meri Kirihimete
Marathi: Shub Naya Varsh
Navajo: Merry Keshmish
Norwegian: God Jul, or Gledelig Jul
Occitan: Pulit nadal
Papiamento: Bon Pasco
Papua New Guinea: Bikpela hamamas blong dispela Krismas na Nupela yia i go long yu
Pennsylvania German: En frehlicher Grischtdaag !
Peru: Feliz Navidad
Philippines: (Tagalog) Maligayang Pasko!
Polish: Wesolych Swiat Bozego Narodzenia or Boze Narodzenie
Portuguese: Feliz Natal
Pushto: Christmas Aao Ne-way Kaal Mo Mobarak Sha
Rapa-Nui (Easter Island): Mata-Ki-Te-Rangi. Te-Pito-O-Te-Henua
Rhetian: Bellas festas da nadal
Romanche: (Sursilvan dialect): Legreivlas fiastas da Nadal e bien niev onn!
Rumanian: Sarbatori vesele
Russian: Pozdrevlyayu s prazdnikom Rozhdestva is Novim Godom
Sami: Buorrit Juovllat
Samoan: La Maunia Le Kilisimasi Ma Le Tausaga Fou
Sardinian: Bonu nadale
Serbian: Hristos se rodi
Slovakian: Sretan Bozic or Vesele vianoce
Sami: Buorrit Juovllat
Samoan: La Maunia Le Kilisimasi Ma Le Tausaga Fou
Scots Gaelic: Nollaig chridheil huibh
Serb-Croatian: Sretam Bozic. Vesela Nova Godina
Serbian: Hristos se rodi.
Singhalese: Subha nath thalak Vewa. Subha Aluth Awrudhak Vewa
Slovak: Vesele Vianoce. A stastlivy Novy Rok
Slovene: Vesele Bozicne. Screcno Novo Leto
Spanish: Feliz Navidad
Swedish: God Jul and (Och) Ett Gott Nytt År
Tagalog: Maligayang Pasko.
Tami: Nathar Puthu Varuda Valthukkal
Trukeese: (Micronesian) Neekiriisimas annim oo iyer seefe feyiyeech!
Thai: Sawadee Pee Mai
Turkish: Noeliniz Ve Yeni Yiliniz Kutlu Olsun
Ukrainian: Srozhdestvom Kristovym
Urdu: Naya Saal Mubarak Ho
Vietnamese: Chung Mung Giang Sinh
Welsh: Nadolig Llawen
Yugoslavian: Cestitamo Bozic
Yoruba: E ku odun, e ku iye'dun!

Holiday Eating Tips

2004-12-24T17:05:00.000-06:00

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hellooooo?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple; Pumpkin; Mincemeat; Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention.Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Remember this motto to live by: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

MERRY CHRISTMAS to ALL

2004-12-20T13:57:00.000-06:00

Dear Santa

The Most Important Gift Catalog In The World

2004-12-16T19:53:00.000-06:00

Heifer International

Still looking for holiday gifts? How about a water buffalo?

When you're looking for that perfect gift, consider a water buffalo, or a goat, or a dozen chicks from Heifer International's Gift Catalog. Better than another sweater, these unique gifts will please your friends and family - and help end hunger from Appalachia to Zambia.

This year, give a gift that helps create a better world. Give an animal from Heifer's Gift Catalog. Click here.

School Cheating Goes Hi-tech?

2004-12-16T11:20:00.000-06:00

By Mary Niederberger
Source: Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

There was a time when students who wanted to cheat on tests wrote answers on the palms of their hands or created a tiny cheat sheet to slip into their sleeves. And when messages were exchanged, the modes were whispers or notes passed surreptitiously, moves fairly easy for a teacher to spot. But now, school officials say, handheld electronic devices make it possible for students to pass information silently via cell phone text-messaging or faxing, or by using the radio wave or infrared technology in personal digital assistants such as Palm Pilots. This burst of technological development has school officials busy devising policy to regulate gadgets. But as school directors in the Peters Township School District are finding, it's hard to come up with the right wording to restrict, but not stifle, technology that seems to change daily. A policy that bans specific devices could be outdated as soon as it is printed. In addition, some school officials argue, there can be legitimate classroom uses for some technology. While most districts don't allow students to have their cell phones on during classroom hours to prevent disruptions, some cell phones have the same capabilities as electronic organizers. And while handheld computers may have legitimate use for such tasks as scheduling and research, some can make and receive phone calls, take digital photos and record sound. That creates opportunity for questionable use.

"There used to be a distinction between cell phones and PDAs," said Peters school Director Mark Buzzatto, during a recent board discussion. "Cell phones are to be turned off. But cell phones are turning into PDAs. I can schedule on mine."

Banning all handheld electronic devices during the school day is one way to deal with the problem. That's what some districts such as McKeesport and South Fayette have done. Shelly Belcher, South Fayette spokeswoman, said the district policy attempts to be all-inclusive. Cell phones and all other handheld devices are not allowed to be used in the building. Period. First-time offenders get their devices back when a parent comes in and signs for it; repeat violators, however, can expect not to get the phone back until the end of the year. While some might consider such a policy too strict -- what if a student needs to use the phone in an emergency -- Belcher said there was access to phones in every classroom. But for school officials in Peters, the issue isn't that simple because they don't want to discourage students' use of cutting-edge technology.

"It definitely has potential for abuses in and around the school," said John Hoover, assistant superintendent of Peters schools, who is in charge of drafting policy with board members. "But it's a whole new era that we live in and we know that there are wonderful uses for this technology and we know that our students live very much in a digital world. We want them to be prepared and facile with all of the technology that would be helpful to them," Hoover said.

The fear that "a small number" would use the devices inappropriately creates the need for the policy, Hoover said. In Peters, the proposed policy twice has been sent back to the drawing board. Following the most recent discussion, school directors decided to use wording that would ban certain activities and uses of the devices, but not outlaw specific devices. Sharon Fissel, director of policy services for the Pennsylvania School Boards Association, said the biggest concerns of school boards have been cheating, the use of inappropriate photographs and the invasion of students' privacy by other students with devices that can photograph and record. Hoover also warned that camera phones could be used for inappropriate picture-taking in such places as locker rooms. That's what happened earlier this year when a Moon Area wrestler took an obscene photo on a West Allegheny High School student's camera phone before a wrestling match in January. According to court records and police reports filed at the time, the wrestler took a picture of another wrestler's penis on the camera cell phone of a female student trainer. The cell phone had been taken out of her purse while she was in the West Allegheny trainers' room. When the purse was returned, the photo was found on the phone. Moon Area coaches cooperated with police to find out who took the picture.

"Schools have run into problems when these things are used in a malicious way. The possibilities are endless and we are trying to prevent those kinds of things," Hoover said.

Bans on the use of electronic equipment date to 1989 when the state Legislature passed a law barring pagers from school property, school-sponsored functions and buses except for special circumstances. They included students with a sick family member or those who were members of volunteer fire departments. At the time, school officials complained about pagers interrupting classes and said they suspected the devices were being used to set up drug deals. After that legislation, a number of districts created policies that banned the possession of cell phones on school property. But most of those districts have eased those policies since the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks, when students found cells phones to be a comfort. Now most districts allow students to carry cell phones, but they must be turned off during school hours. In Peters, the board is considering banning use of cell phones on school buses and during organized after-school activities, although some board members said this may be difficult because many working parents use cell phones to reach their children after school. Peters Board President Denise Abraham said at a recent board meeting that the task of devising an effective policy governing cell phones and similar electronic devices was frustrating.

"This is sort of like herding cats," she said.

2004-12-13T14:33:00.000-06:00

Heinrich Heine
---
"Every man, either to his terror or consolation, has some sense of religion."

"Experience is a good school. But the fees are high."

"God will forgive me. It's his job."

"Great genius takes shape by contact with another great genius, but, less by assimilation than by fiction."

"I fell asleep reading a dull book and dreamed I kept on reading, so I awoke from sheer boredom."

"I have never seen an ass who talked like a human being, but I have met many human beings who talked like asses."

"If the Romans had been obliged to learn Latin, they would never have found time to conquer the world."

"In earlier religions the spirit of the time was expressed through the individual and confirmed by miracles. In modern religions the spirit is expressed through the many and confirmed by reason."

"Oh, what lies there are in kisses."

"Talking and eloquence are not the same: to speak and to speak well are two things. A fool may talk, but a wise man speaks

Count HIM out

2004-12-13T13:55:00.000-06:00

At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, the U.S. attorney general said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," the attorney general said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'there are 3 sides to every triangle'."

When asked to comment on the arrest, President George W. Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes!!!"

More Christmas Controversy

2004-12-10T19:10:00.000-06:00

December Dilemma Watch

The controversial (and humorous) debates over how families and communities handle the holidays.
Compiled by Holly Lebowitz Rossi.

http://www.beliefnet.com/story/156/story_15699_1.html

Example below

Christian leaders are up in arms over a nativity display in a London wax museum that casts soccer superstar David Beckham and his Spice Girl wife Victoria (a.k.a. Posh) as Joseph and Mary. The display also casts President George W. Bush as one of the three wise men, and the actors Hugh Grant and Samuel L. Jackson as shepherds. Museum spokespeople are saying that the display was intended to be "fun," but Christian leaders are not amused. "There is a well-understood tradition that each generation interprets and reinterprets the Nativity ... but, oh dear!" said the Rev. Jonathan Jenkins, spokesman for the archbishop of Canterbury, who leads the world's 77 million Anglicans.

What do you think?

2004-12-10T18:54:00.000-06:00

Back to Basics

It's so easy to think of Hanukkah, which began the other night, as the "Jewish Christmas," what with the heightened marketing hype that's come to be associated with it. But, as this article from the Orthodox website Aish.com points out, Hanukkah is not a central holiday religiously or spiritually for Jews. Ironically, the article states, one of the themes of Hanukkah is precisely a resistance to cultural assimilation

I love the fun on eBay!

2004-12-10T10:03:00.000-06:00

By United Press International
Source: United Press International

Boy sells Grandpa's ghost on eBay

HOBART, Ind. (United Press International via COMTEX)

-- An Indiana boy has reportedly convinced his mother to put his grandfather's ghost up for sale on eBay so the ghost wouldn't come back to haunt him. Six-year-old Collin Anderson's grandfather died in the boy's home.

Collin's mother, Mary Anderson, told the Indianapolis Star the ghost is being auctioned along with Collin's grandfather's cane. There's one catch: whoever wins the bidding war must send Collin a letter letting him know they have received both items - the cane and the ghost. Grandpa's ghost and cane have so far drawn more than 30 bids and a top offer of $78. Bidders have posted a variety of messages about the unusual auction item.

"I have had ghosts go bad before and haven't had a warranty.

I don't want to deal with another bad ghost. Thanks.

Will you ship to Canada?" asked one skeptical bidder.

Collin, who is named after his now-ghostly grandfather, will get to spend the proceeds, the Star said.

PS. I can't find the eBay link to this story but if you do a search for grandpa's ghost on eBay you'll find a dozen or so copycats now selling grandpa's ghost. One haunted Grandpa's cane even comes with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich... shades of the recent craziness over a "miraculous grilled cheese sandwich" on eBay! http://search.ebay.com/Grandpas-ghost_W0QQfromZR40QQsatitleZGrandpaQ27sQ20ghostQQsojsZ1

Spoof

2004-12-09T01:42:00.000-06:00

BUSH LEGAL TEAM SUES TO PREVENT SANTA RECOUNT

WASHINGTON, D.C. (Dec. 8) -

Attorneys for President George W. Bush filed suit in federal court today, seeking to prevent Santa Claus from making his list and then checking it twice. The complaint seeks an immediate injunction against the beloved Christmas icon, asking the court to effectively ban his traditional practice of checking the list of good boys and girls one additional time before packing his sleigh.

The suit, filed in Federal District Court, asks a judge to "hereby order Mr. Claus to cease and desist all repetitive and duplicativee list-checking activity, and certify the original list as submitted, without amendment, alteration, deletion, or other unecessary modification."

"There are no standards for deciding who is naughty, and who is nice. It's totally arbitrary and capricious. How many more times does he need to check? This checking, checking, and re-checking over and over again must stop now," said former Secretary James Baker. Baker further claimed that unnamed GOP observErs witnessed an elf removing all boys named John from the 'nice' list, filing them under 'naughty' instead because "everyone knows all boys named John are brats."

President Bush cited the potential for unauthorized list tampering, and blasted what he called the "crazy, crazy mesS up there at tHe North Pole."

"Their security is really awful, really bad," said Bush. "My mother just walked right in, told 'em she was Mrs. Claus. They didn't check her ID or nothing."

The Rev. Jesse Jackson was quick to respond to this latest development with plans to lead his protesters from Florida to the North Pole via dogsled. The "Million Man Mush" is scheduled to leave Friday. "We need red suits and sleighs, not law suits and delays," Jackson said.

Meanwhile, Vice President Dick Cheney issued a direct plea to St. Nick himself. "Mr. Claus, I call on you to do the honorable thing, and quit checking your list. The children of the world have had enough. They demand closure now," Cheney said, adding that his granddaughter has already selected a name for the pony she's asked for.

Santa Claus could not be reached for comment, but an spokeself said he was "deeply distressed" by news of the pending legal action against him.

"He's losing weight, and he hasn't said 'Ho Ho' for days," said the spokeself. "He's just not feeling jolly."

A weary nation can relate.

Blogging News

2004-12-08T12:11:00.000-06:00

MSN today unveiled an updated version of its free communication service which adds a beta version of its first blogging tool to existing email and instant messaging offerings.

Dubbed MSN Spaces, the blogging service was accompanied by a beta version of MSN Messenger 7.0 and updates to MSN Hotmail.

The free beta tool, which is available in 14 languages, is designed to make it easier for consumers to create and maintain a personal website. It allows users to share photo albums, personal music lists and other digital content. Through enhanced integration with MSN Messenger and Hotmail, MSN Spaces can automatically notify online contacts when a blog has been updated.

"Communicating with others is the number one thing people do online," said Blake Irving, corporate vice president at MSN's Communication Services and Member Platform Group. "

As widely used as our individual services are today, we know we can do more to help our customers communicate across the different modes they use, like blogs, instant messaging and email.

"The investments MSN is making in MSN Spaces, Messenger and Hotmail are designed to break down some of the barriers between the services so that people can focus less on the technology and more on the people they care about."

Users can sign up for the service at MSN Spaces or through MSN Messenger.

By Robert Jaques

Astronomy and Astrophysics

2004-12-07T04:30:00.000-06:00

http://eaa.iop.org/index.cfm?action=home

This unique resource covers the entire field of astronomy and astrophysics and this online version includes the full text of over 2,750 articles, plus sophisticated search and retrieval functionality, links to the primary literature, and is frequently updated with new material. An active editorial team, headed by the Encyclopedia's editor-in-chief, Paul Murdin, oversees the continual commissioning, reviewing and loading of new and revised content.

Any takers?

2004-12-07T04:17:00.000-06:00

The $10,000 martini.

The famed Algonquin hotel, where the Round Table once gathered is now offering a $10,000 martini. The martini comes with a loose diamond at the bottom. No spontaneous drunken ordering allowed—the martini requires 72 hours’ notice including a meeting with a jeweler to choose the stone. The martini has been on the menu for a week and no one has ordered one yet. This leads to a very interesting etiquette question: when ordering a martini with a diamond at the bottom, does one let it rest there until the drink is finished, or fish it out first to prevent overenthusiastic swallowing?

The site is back

2004-12-06T20:21:00.000-06:00

Visit The Breast Cancer Site at http://www.thebreastcancersite.com/home every day and click on the pink "Fund Free Mammograms" button to help fund free mammograms for homeless, low-income women.

It costs you nothing to help make early detection and survival possible. Funding is paid by site sponsors and goes to the nonprofit National Breast Cancer Foundation, who uses it to grant access to mammography to women in need. You can click once per day.

Pass it along as a way to fight breast cancer all year long!

http://www.thebreastcancersite.com/home

Sotheby Auction

2004-12-01T00:01:00.000-06:00

WORLD'S LARGEST WINE BOTTLE
HOLDS OVER 173 BOTTLES OF BERINGER PRIVATE RESERVE CABERNET

That translates to 1200 glasses of wine... {hic}

http://www.beringer.com/section/bigbottle1.jsp

Cooking with Google

2004-11-30T23:46:00.000-06:00

Tired of those leftovers in your fridge? Convert them into tasty meals. Have fun searching for new recipes at

http://researchbuzz.org/archives/001404.shtml

Type in at least two ingredients that you have on your shelves or in the fridge and Google Hack will dish up some recipes for you to try... New recipe categories have recently been added: Atkins Diet, Diabetics, Seafood, and Crockpot recipes. Enjoy!

Lots of Pennies

2004-11-25T23:08:00.000-06:00

The MegaPenny Project

http://www.kokogiak.com/megapenny/default.asp

Visualizing huge numbers can be very difficult. People regularly talk about millions of miles, billions of bytes, or trillions of dollars, yet it's still hard to grasp just how much a "billion" really is. The MegaPenny Project aims to help by taking one small everyday item, the U.S. penny, and building on that to answer the question: "What would a billion (or a trillion) pennies look like?"

... or how much could the crowds at the shopping malls be spending this week-end? :-)

2004-11-25T02:02:00.000-06:00

Happy Thanksgiving!

Got football tickets?

2004-11-25T01:14:00.000-06:00

If you're one of the lucky few to have tickets that entitle you to freeze your buns out there, while watching some tough guys fight over an oval ball, do you know how to find your seat? The following website will help you find it, it has the seating charts for every major sport venue in North America.

http://www.seatdata.com/

The rest of us will blissfully fall asleep in front of the TV, all warm and full of turkey.

The Day Before Thanksgiving

2004-11-24T13:18:00.000-06:00

Here, Gobble-Gobble

Thanksgiving Poll

2004-11-23T21:09:00.000-06:00

Maxim

2004-11-20T13:28:00.000-06:00

If of thy mortal goods thou art bereft,

and from thy slender store

two loaves to thee are left;

Sell one, and with the dole

buy hyacinths to feed thy soul.

~Saadi~

What is the best part of Thanksgiving?
	The turkey, of course! Duh.
	No school, no work... yippee!
	Football!
	Family time.
	The PIES! YUMMY!
	Second helpings ... please.
	Family feuds
	Old stories re-told
	After dinner nap :-)
	Leftovers... !

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